Update

It's been almost 2 months since I finished chemo. That seems impossible. I am doing well and slowly recovering from its effects on my body. I feel good. My overall strength is still in recovery, as evidenced by my attempt to bowl. Even the lightest ball I could find was a challenge to roll down the alley. Thankfully there was no shortage of having a good time with the family. The neuropathy in my fingers and feet is still a challenge - no change there. My energy is returning. I am back working at the Family History Center one night a week, and going to work on humanitarian projects every Wednesday morning. I just finished piecing a quilt for our grand baby due the end of December and I keep busy with humanitarian projects I bring home to work on. I enjoy riding my bike when the weather is warm enough and often find a short nap in the afternoon very refreshing.

Medically speaking there is also good news. My CT scan showed no evidence of cancer and my latest lab tests are all returning to normal. Such a nice word - normal! My oncologist has given the okay for us to proceed with mission plans as long as I stay in the USA and stay on schedule with my scans and labs.

Work on our new house is SLOWLY progressing. Estimated date of completion is now the end of April, but who knows. The subcontractors are all very busy and there seem to be delays at every turn. We live close and drive by often to check on the progress.

It seems that cancer is everywhere. I know so many people in various stages of dealing with it - physically and emotionally. A friend from my childhood days has been an amazing support and example for me, and I am so grateful. Her motto is, "Have I done any good in the world today?" I don't know what the future holds - no one does. But today is a good day so why not do some good? I'm not grateful for cancer, but I am for the lessons I've learned and the love and support I've felt from both heaven and earth.

Done and done!!!

I haven't written anything in my blog for a while because we have been so busy! I'll explain later.

The big news is that chemo #11 and #12 are over. Just finished 12 today and turned my pump in. Such a good feeling. I'm doing well. The neuropathy in my feet, legs, and fingers is challenging and seems worse with each treatment. But, I'm told it will slowly go away...something wonderful to look forward to. My hair is growing and is so curly. It's exactly what I hoped for, but now that I have it I'm not sure what to do with it. It's still too short to do much, but people tell me it looks great. I'm sure compared to being bald it is a big improvement.

Initially it was quite emotional to think that my chemo was over. Suddenly I'm left alone to wait and see if the cancer returns. It's a little bit scary after the security of knowing I was doing something to fight it. I will be having close surveillance with CT scans every 3 to 4 months. The first one will be in 2 weeks. I'll see my oncologist every 2 months and my surgeon has me also on his follow-up list. So I'm in good hands.

I must give a big hooray to the nurses and staff at the South Jordan Huntsman Infusion Center. I couldn't have been better cared for or more loved anywhere else. We all hugged, and I cried saying goodbye to these amazing nurses. I'll be stopping in to see them for sure when I have my oncology appointments. They are special people in my life.

Now for the whirlwind that we've been dealing with. We listed our house and had 2 offers 3 days later - one an all cash offer that we accepted. Final settlement on the house is October 9th. We have been so busy purging and packing, but it looks like we'll make the deadline, thanks to lots of help from our family. We will be house sitting for some dear friends who are away a lot with his work. It is a win win for us both, and we're very grateful to them for their generosity. Most of our belongings are stored in PODS and a couple of storage units. They have barely begun construction on our new house. It's not expected to be completed until April (not sure why it will take so long). Anyway, we are excited to have this move completed and watch our new house grow.

Your prayers and messages of support have sustained me, and I thank you for taking the time to send them. I'm so grateful I didn't have to do this journey alone. Most of all I am grateful for the loving and constant support of my Heavenly Father and His Son. They have carried me through the hardest parts, and planted hope and faith in my heart. I will continue to place my life in their hands - it's the best place to be.

Moving along...

Chemo #10 is history. My platelets are steady at 78. It's not stellar, but stable. The previous result was 75. #10 was the same reduced chemo dose as #9, so I expect to continue on course until it's done. Hopefully the dose is enough to wipe out any remaining cancer cells hiding in my body. Time will tell. The side effects are tolerable and predictable - nothing I can't handle. So many have much worse side effects. I am blessed! The neuropathy is a little worse. My oncologist says it will disappear about 6 months after the completion of chemo. So, something to look forward to.

In other news, we listed our house on September 1 and were under contract by September 5. That was sure quicker than we expected. It means we'll have to find a place to live while our new house is being built, and it's not expected to be finished until mid April. So many have generously offered us a place. Things will all work out I'm sure.

I feel the change in seasons coming. The air has a crispness to it. I don't tolerate cold very well, so it will be sweater time for me pretty soon, but that's all good. It's so wonderful to have plans and dreams and things to look forward to.

Progress at last...

Last Tuesday my labs were checked and my platelets were up to 75. It's improvement, but still low. Thankfully my oncologist decided to proceed with chemo #9. The trade off was to give a decreased dose of both chemo drugs. Hopefully this new dose won't cause too much havoc with my platelets. The rest of my labs are good and even up a few points.

Chemo went smoothly. I can tell the dose was decreased as some of the side effects are less. There is one new side effect - neuropathy in my fingers and feet. It's a tingly, numb feeling caused by nerve damage that is pretty much expected with this chemo routine. It is not a matter of if you will get it, just when. I've been fortunate to get this far without symptoms. It does seem to be decreasing, so that's a good thing.

Probably the biggest challenge these last few weeks has been an unusual amount of stress in my life. It seems one thing after another has popped up: the garage door broke, we had to replace a water heater, trying to get our house ready to list between chemo treatments, our kitchen sink became unattached to the granite countertop and fell into the cupboard below (I've never seen that happen). Could there be more? Yes there could! But you get the picture without more details. My stomach was constantly in knots and I couldn't sleep. I felt like it was affecting my very well being and knew I needed to find relief.

I poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father and expressed a desire to be relieved of these feelings. First came counsel reminding me about what is really important in life, then instruction about what I needed to do, and next reassurance that all would be well. Slowly the stress is dissipating. It's not totally gone, but I have more moments without it than I do with it. My family has been unbelievably loving and supportive, and I have an overall feeling that I'm on the right track. Sometimes things are just not easy. But enlisting heavenly help always produces more results than we can accomplish on our own.

I can't thank you enough. The knowledge of so many family and friends who take the time to pray in my behalf and express their love and support is powerful in my life. You truly light up my life!

Good news and another delay

I had a chest CT this week and found out that the "mass" found in my lung a couple of months ago has decreased in size - very good news. It confirms that it most likely is not cancer but rather scar tissue caused by the pulmonary blood clot after my first treatment. Also good news is that my hair is growing in. It's about 1/2 to 1 inch all over my head. Most of the time I don't even cover my head anymore. A few weeks ago a cute little girl in Costco told me I didn't have any hair, but that's changing.

But, once again my treatment was delayed another week due to low platelets. They are up to 61, but it's not enough to proceed with a regular dose of chemo. So the decision was made to wait another week. I'll be back on schedule next Tuesday...hopefully. The good part about no chemo is that I feel so good. I've been riding my bike and enjoying the beautiful weather.

I think not having chemo this week has been a blessing in disguise. We have decided to sell our house and move about 2 miles from here to a 55+ community. We really needed to get this house listed and finalize floor plans for the new house. If I had chemo I wouldn't have been able to do any of it this week. Once again, the Lord knew what we needed to get done and made it possible for us to do it. Making this move is full of mixed feelings. I love where we live, but I know it is time for us to make the change. Together we struggle through taking care of this half acre yard, but if it was just one of us there is no way he/she could handle it alone. Moving is the practical and right thing to do and Heavenly Father will help us accomplish it.

Another delay...

Treatment #9 has been delayed. My platelets dropped from 81 to 44 - my lowest level so far. Thankfully the rest of my labs are adequate. The plan is to wait a week, recheck my labs, and hopefully proceed with #9. It throws my schedule off but I can deal with that. I believe with everything there is a silver lining, so I'll enjoy the week by trying to rest and let my body heal. I am not feeling too bad. Fatigue and occasional nausea are the major issues, but hey who doesn't love a good nap!

We have enjoyed some quality family time and a little culture. We went to Logan to see "Man of La Mancha," and "The Little Mermaid" at the Hale Center Theater. Both were excellent and quite different. I think I like "The Little Mermaid" the best. We've been picking blackberries from our garden and I think we have enough to make a batch of jam (with Devon's help).

So life is good. I know this will pass, but have to admit it was discouraging to have the delay. So please keep your fingers crossed and prayers coming that next Wednesday I'll be well enough to proceed. Then I'll only have 3 more to go...YIPPEE!

8 down, 4 to go!

Treatment #8 is in the books! That sounds so good. One moment I say, "Yay, I only have 4 more to go," the next "Oh goodness, I still have 4 more to go."  The days right after are rough and I must admit I'm getting a little tired of being sick and tired every two weeks. Oh well, one thing is for sure. It will be over soon! 

Thank you for all your prayers concerning my platelet count. They worked!!! I'm sure the good diet and essential oils played a part as well. Last time my platelet count dropped by 29 points. This time it only dropped by 10. I would rather it didn't drop at all, but hey, 10 is certainly better than 29. We proceeded with chemo. My oncologist thought it best to slightly decrease both chemo drugs. She feels it's better to stay on schedule with a lower dose than risk missing a treatment with the higher dose. If my lab results are good next time, I assume we will continue with that dose. I can't tell much difference in the side effects. It still knocks me down for a few days.

During my good days we enjoyed a wonderful weekend at Bear Lake with Marianne's family. Through a dear friend's generosity we had a lovely cabin (picture beautiful house) to stay in. It was so relaxing and refreshing. And yes, the fresh raspberry shakes are as good as they say!

A sister at church today spoke about the power of prayer and the blessings of the wildernesses we sometimes have to endure. I have experienced both these past few months. My journey through the wilderness of cancer has taught me so many things - especially about faith and hope and enduring with optimism. These are lessons I'm grateful for. It is a hard journey, for sure, but the peace and joy in my life are stronger than ever, and I know more than ever how much God loves and tends to His children.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. 

No new surprises

Treatment #7 went well and I am finally feeling better again. The only problem is that my platelets took a significant drop – from 120 to 91 (that's happened before). Cut off is 100, but they gave me the chemo anyway. Now the challenge is to try to produce platelets so it doesn’t drop any lower. I could use some specific prayers in that department. If they go lower I’ll have to delay the next treatment, and I don't want that to happen. So, I’m eating more leafy green vegetables, Omega 3’s, and even trying some essential oils. I’m on the fence about the value of essential oils. My education is traditionally based, but hey, they can’t hurt, and who knows…maybe they’ll help. At least they smell good.

We've had a wonderful few weeks. We enjoyed a short camping trip up Ogden Canyon with my sisters and their husbands. It was wicked hot during the day and beautifully cool at night. So during the day we put our camp chairs in the river, under a tree and sat there for hours visiting. It was glorious. We also had our annual Tufts Family Cherry Hill Reunion. It was hot there, too, but we were in the water most of the time and were able to stay cool. I was blessed to be feeling good and really enjoyed both these outings. I even did the waterslide a few times and loved it!

I think I slept more after this last treatment than any of the previous ones. What a sweet blessing to sleep through the worst days and still be tired enough to sleep all night. Maybe some of that was carry over from our busy week at Cherry Hill, but it was wonderful. Blessings come in all sizes and shapes. It's easy to get used to them and not recognize them. And if that happens, then we miss the opportunity to express gratitude. So my goal is to pay attention to the little things that bless my life. There are so many!    

Win! Win! Win!

That's how I feel about the last two weeks. The break from chemo was wonderful. We enjoyed a family reunion in Idaho for 3 days and had a wonderful Father's Day/half done chemo family celebration. Emily made a piñata named cancer and we took turns "beating" it. My body responded to the rest with normal lab values and I felt better than I've felt in a while. I was thrilled that my CEA (carcinoembryonic antigen) dropped from 6.5 to 4.6. The drop supports the theory that the chemo is what is causing it to rise. There's no proof of that, but it sure makes sense to me.

So, last Tuesday, June 23rd I had treatment #6. My oncologist decided to reduce the dose back to 50%. She thinks 60% was too much as evidenced by the low platelet count. She feels it's better to proceed with the lower dose and stay on schedule than to continue the higher dose and have to take breaks in the treatment. I agree. I seem to be recovering from this treatment faster, probably because I was in better condition when it was given.

I feel so blessed to have endured this far. At the onset, and especially after the first treatment, I wondered how I could do it. But through prayers, blessings, love, and support from all my amazing family and friends I am half way. I can see the end and have hope and faith to continue the journey. I would be remiss to not acknowledge the spiritual help that has constantly sustained me, especially through the hard parts. I bear what I can and the rest is carried through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Praise God, and love and thanks to all of you!

Quick update

My 6th chemo treatment was scheduled for last Tuesday, June 9th. But, due to a low platelet count it was cancelled. Platelets are wonderful little cells that are produced in our bone marrow and have the job of clotting our blood. The normal range is 140,000 to 440,000. The goal for chemo is 100,000 or above. Two weeks ago at treatment #5 I was 87,000 and this week I was 66,000. So, time for a rest. One week off was suggested, but that throws some summer family reunion activities off, so I will take two weeks off and proceed with treatment #6 on June 23rd.

Initially I was disappointed. I was looking forward to celebrating the half way mark, but after thinking about it and how I am feeling, I know it is the right thing for me. My body needs a rest. This pushes the end of chemo to the middle of September.

I feel very blessed with continual guidance about the path I'm on. My heart remains full of peace about this process and gratitude for all my blessings. I am especially grateful for all the prayers, love, and support from so many wonderful people in my life. You are my earthly angels!

Expect the unexpected…and DON’T PANIC!!!!

One of the tests done to try to predict/monitor tumor growth is called a carcinoembryonic antigen (CEA). It’s far from a perfect predictor of cancer. There is a whole list of nonmalignant issues that can cause it to increase – many of them related to the GI system. Chemotherapy can also cause an increase. When an increase occurs in a patient with cancer the protocol is to go looking for possible new tumor activity. My CEA tests have always stayed within the normal range (1-3). But since starting chemo my CEA has been 3.4 a month ago and 6.5 last week. It’s worrisome for sure.

So a CT of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis were done yesterday and the results are in. There is no evidence of malignancy in my abdomen and pelvis. The large pelvic blood clot has resolved and the colon inflammation is healing nicely – still present but much better. There is a 3.1 cm x 1 cm “new mass” in my lower right lung. Remember – DON’T PANIC! The first thought from the radiologist that read the film and my oncologist was to suspect a new malignant mass. BUT, when I was so sick after my first treatment I also developed a pulmonary emboli and area of infarction in (you guessed it) my lower right lung. My oncologist called the radiologist and had him take another look at the film. After a closer look at the mass and surrounding blood vessels he feels it could “easily” be inflammation from the infarction. One other observation from me is that cancer usually does not cause pain and I do have pain in that area. Infarctions do cause pain.

So a situation that was to be a game changer is now considered a watch and monitor. I will have the CEA repeated in 1 month, another CT of my chest in 2 months, and my current chemotherapy will continue. This remains a worrisome situation and the possibility of a new tumor is real. However, so is the possibility that it is simply inflammation. In the meantime prayers, hope, and trying to live a healthy and happy life style continue.

Round 5 of chemo went well despite a 10% increase in my 5FU dose. The norm seems to be 5 days of yuck and then I slowly start to feel better. By one week past the onset of chemo I am feeling pretty good. I have to pace myself, but by then I’m getting better every day.

Last Sunday was Stake Conference and the theme was about hope - probably because so many people in our stake are having challenges - poor health, emotional, family problems. The scripture theme was from Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." It implies we need to have a desire for hope, which to me says we can choose to have hope or despair. Hope is a gift of the spirit and ultimately comes from the Lord. Despair, on the other hand, comes from a dark place and tries to pull us away from all things good and positive. Without question hope is "a tree of life." It produces happiness and optimism. It is an active expectation of good things to come. This theme really touched my heart...not because I have been to that place of despair, but rather because I have been blessing with so much hope. Not once have I felt despair. I don't know what the ultimate outcome of my journey will be. It doesn't really matter because I know for sure that either way all will be well. I am loved and cared for by earthly and heavenly beings. No one could ask for more! Hope...YES!!!

Blog time! Round 4 is…almost history and on the way up. Chemo is getting pretty predictable, which is a good thing – I don’t like surprises! I spiked a temp to 102.2 on day 3 which had me pretty worried. I was started on antibiotics quickly. The fever broke after about 8 hours and never returned. I’m so blessed with a caring medical team. They quickly return my calls, call me the next day to see how I am doing, and express genuine concern for me. I’m a blessed girl.

In the last two weeks I have enjoyed some great family time. Our annual Mother’s Day gathering was great. Our house was a florist shop for a week with a beautiful variety of floral arrangements. We had our monthly sisters’ dinner and evening of Pinochle with my two sisters and their husbands. The only down side to that evening is that the girls’ team fell 3 games behind the boys. We also celebrated our youngest granddaughter’s 1^st birthday. Daryn and Catie (well mostly Catie) gave her a wonderful flamingo themed party that was enjoyed by everyone. The flamingo piñata was a huge hit with the kids. My neighbor taught me how to crochet cute flowers for the knit hats Emily and I have made. They are adorable. I look a little like a 1920’s flapper with them on!

I was checking out the progress of hair growth on my head and was thrilled to find one random hair that had a curl to it! Dare I hope for curly hair? My hair does seem to be growing though it is pretty sparse. It will eventually come in, but then that means I’ll have to fuss with it. I think things are best as they are for now.

So, what have I learned with this round of chemo? I have had many priesthood blessings since this journey began. Except for some reason (forgetfulness, maybe cockiness that “I can do this myself,” or whatever) I didn’t get one before round 3. Round 3 was hard, so I was sure to ask Devon and Erron to give me a blessing prior to round 4. There is no doubt that round 4, though not a walk in the park, has been easier than round 3, and I seem to be rebounding quicker than round 3. So yes, “I can do this myself,” but it is so much easier when the powers of heaven are petitioned. It's a lesson I'll not forget.

Again…thank you to my sweetheart for his tender, constant care. And thank you to all of you for your prayers, love, and support. Without you this journey would be much harder.

Round 3 came and went – thankfully about the same as round 2. Usually the first day of chemo I feel really good because of the Zofran and steroid they give me. This time it seemed that the side effects hit harder and faster the first day, but after that it leveled out to similar round 2 experiences. I think some of the side effects are lingering longer – cold sensitivity in my fingers, pain in my jaw when I take my first bite of anything, and yucky metallic taste in my mouth. I did “up chuck” twice, but in the world of chemo that’s not bad at all.  Each day from now on I should get stronger and feel better, and then we start all over again. It’s good to know what to expect.

I was so worried. Chemo was Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But Friday, oh Friday! We had 2 wonderful events scheduled for Friday, neither of which I wanted to miss but didn’t know how I would have the strength to attend. A grandson of Devon’s sister was getting married in the Oquirrh Temple at 11:00 am followed by a family luncheon. And, the biggest and most anticipated event was our granddaughter’s graduation from UVU. Ashley-Kate (David’s daughter) is graduating with both her high school diploma and her Associate Degree! This is a big deal, and attending her graduation was beyond important to me. Shame on me for doubting. Somehow (actually I know how) I not only made it to everything, but also enjoyed every minute. 

Devon has been pushing me to ask for a handicap placard, and I have been resisting. I just tell him to drop me at the door and then wait for him to park and come help me get to where I need to be. Well, I guess he was tired of the drill and at my last oncologist appointment HE asked for the placard. So, yep…I now have a temporary handicap parking placard. Not sure who likes it the most!

Marianne and Tony came for the weekend. Daryn and Catie came over for a visit on Sunday. We had a nice visit with Lori and her little ones on Friday, and wonderful visits with extended family here for the wedding. I’ve had phone calls and texts from many other family members and friends. Each one lifts my spirits and reminds me of how blessed I am. It has been a wonderful and exhausting weekend!

A good friend dropped by for a visit on Saturday and asked me an interesting question – “What have you learned from all this?” The answer is - God loves me, sustains me, and always provides exactly what I need when I need it. He is mindful of me every minute of every day. I am so grateful for my friend’s question. I’ve thought about it a lot these last 24 hours and realize how important it is to look for the blessings and tender mercies from God. Sometimes they are subtle and easy to miss. And if we miss them, then we miss the opportunity to express gratitude and bear testimony of God and His goodness. Not a day goes by that we are not blessed by God’s tender mercies. So my question to you and myself, “What have you learned today?”