Blog time! Round 4 is…almost history and on the way up. Chemo is getting pretty predictable, which is a good thing – I don’t like surprises! I spiked a temp to 102.2 on day 3 which had me pretty worried. I was started on antibiotics quickly. The fever broke after about 8 hours and never returned. I’m so blessed with a caring medical team. They quickly return my calls, call me the next day to see how I am doing, and express genuine concern for me. I’m a blessed girl.

In the last two weeks I have enjoyed some great family time. Our annual Mother’s Day gathering was great. Our house was a florist shop for a week with a beautiful variety of floral arrangements. We had our monthly sisters’ dinner and evening of Pinochle with my two sisters and their husbands. The only down side to that evening is that the girls’ team fell 3 games behind the boys. We also celebrated our youngest granddaughter’s 1^st birthday. Daryn and Catie (well mostly Catie) gave her a wonderful flamingo themed party that was enjoyed by everyone. The flamingo piñata was a huge hit with the kids. My neighbor taught me how to crochet cute flowers for the knit hats Emily and I have made. They are adorable. I look a little like a 1920’s flapper with them on!

I was checking out the progress of hair growth on my head and was thrilled to find one random hair that had a curl to it! Dare I hope for curly hair? My hair does seem to be growing though it is pretty sparse. It will eventually come in, but then that means I’ll have to fuss with it. I think things are best as they are for now.

So, what have I learned with this round of chemo? I have had many priesthood blessings since this journey began. Except for some reason (forgetfulness, maybe cockiness that “I can do this myself,” or whatever) I didn’t get one before round 3. Round 3 was hard, so I was sure to ask Devon and Erron to give me a blessing prior to round 4. There is no doubt that round 4, though not a walk in the park, has been easier than round 3, and I seem to be rebounding quicker than round 3. So yes, “I can do this myself,” but it is so much easier when the powers of heaven are petitioned. It's a lesson I'll not forget.

Again…thank you to my sweetheart for his tender, constant care. And thank you to all of you for your prayers, love, and support. Without you this journey would be much harder.

Round 3 came and went – thankfully about the same as round 2. Usually the first day of chemo I feel really good because of the Zofran and steroid they give me. This time it seemed that the side effects hit harder and faster the first day, but after that it leveled out to similar round 2 experiences. I think some of the side effects are lingering longer – cold sensitivity in my fingers, pain in my jaw when I take my first bite of anything, and yucky metallic taste in my mouth. I did “up chuck” twice, but in the world of chemo that’s not bad at all.  Each day from now on I should get stronger and feel better, and then we start all over again. It’s good to know what to expect.

I was so worried. Chemo was Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But Friday, oh Friday! We had 2 wonderful events scheduled for Friday, neither of which I wanted to miss but didn’t know how I would have the strength to attend. A grandson of Devon’s sister was getting married in the Oquirrh Temple at 11:00 am followed by a family luncheon. And, the biggest and most anticipated event was our granddaughter’s graduation from UVU. Ashley-Kate (David’s daughter) is graduating with both her high school diploma and her Associate Degree! This is a big deal, and attending her graduation was beyond important to me. Shame on me for doubting. Somehow (actually I know how) I not only made it to everything, but also enjoyed every minute. 

Devon has been pushing me to ask for a handicap placard, and I have been resisting. I just tell him to drop me at the door and then wait for him to park and come help me get to where I need to be. Well, I guess he was tired of the drill and at my last oncologist appointment HE asked for the placard. So, yep…I now have a temporary handicap parking placard. Not sure who likes it the most!

Marianne and Tony came for the weekend. Daryn and Catie came over for a visit on Sunday. We had a nice visit with Lori and her little ones on Friday, and wonderful visits with extended family here for the wedding. I’ve had phone calls and texts from many other family members and friends. Each one lifts my spirits and reminds me of how blessed I am. It has been a wonderful and exhausting weekend!

A good friend dropped by for a visit on Saturday and asked me an interesting question – “What have you learned from all this?” The answer is - God loves me, sustains me, and always provides exactly what I need when I need it. He is mindful of me every minute of every day. I am so grateful for my friend’s question. I’ve thought about it a lot these last 24 hours and realize how important it is to look for the blessings and tender mercies from God. Sometimes they are subtle and easy to miss. And if we miss them, then we miss the opportunity to express gratitude and bear testimony of God and His goodness. Not a day goes by that we are not blessed by God’s tender mercies. So my question to you and myself, “What have you learned today?”

Chemo round 2 is history, and it's a good story to tell! A full dose of Oxaliplatin and a half dose of Fluorouracil was infused over three days - April 14, 15, & 16. The side effects were minimal - mild nausea, mouth tenderness (but no sores), and big time fatigue. By the evening of the 19th I felt my strength beginning to return and it has steadily improved with each day. On Monday (20th) I weeded a small flower bed, and yesterday and today I rode my bicycle 5 miles each day. A visit with my oncologist today revealed that my labs were all pretty normal. We were both very happy. Next Tuesday will be round 3 with this same dose. After round 4 we will re-evaluate if I should stay at this dose or make a change. I am in such good hands medically!

I'm feeling like "I can do this" thanks in large part to the many prayers and well wishes from all of you. I marvel at the diversity of those who love me enough to pray for me - many of my faith, many of other faiths, and some not affiliated with any specific faith. You all bless my life in ways you cannot imagine. I am so grateful!!! I am in such good hands spiritually!

On a light note - it seems that a few (maybe 12 or so) hairs on my head have decided to grow. So if you want a good chuckle just close your eyes and picture that!

Hugs and love to you!!!

Good news abounds! My appetite has returned, I have gained 1 1/2 pounds, I'm feeling stronger every day, and my blood counts are almost normal. My lab tests confirm that a rare mutation in a gene is responsible for my inability to metabolize one of my chemo drugs thus causing my extreme reaction to the drug. So the new plan is to decrease the amount administered by half and to omit another drug given to enhance the effects of the chemo drug.  We also plan closer monitoring between treatments to see what effect the new regime will have on me. Truthfully, I'm a little nervous about another round but my oncologist is confidant things will go much better this time, and I trust him. He feels so bad that I had such a severe reaction, and will keep a close eye on me.

I am rocking the baldheaded thing with adorable knit hats and cute scarves given to me by some wonderful family and friends. Having no hair is really a time and energy saver. I wouldn't choose it but hey, hair grows and for now it's so easy. Emily is almost finished with the adorable hat she is knitting me and I'm about finished with a basic one I started. Chelsey went bicycle riding with me yesterday - a nice easy 2 mile ride around our neighborhood. It felt so good to be on my bike again. Emily and Devon rode 16 miles. I'm jealous but will be back with them again as soon as possible.

Through all of this I have felt so blessed! I have shed tears; not because of the trial, but because of the love and concern expressed and felt from all of you, and the support I have felt from heavenly beings. I know I have not been through this alone. My Savior's atonement has been at work in my behalf. I bore what I could, but He took the rest just as promised. I understand now when friends have said the trial of cancer and chemo has been hard, but so worth the journey because of the many blessings received in so many lives.

So Tuesday is round 2. With all your love, prayers and support I know I am ready.

Life has been challenging here, to say the least, but things are on the upswing. My first round of chemo was difficult - every side effect was manifest to the extreme (and I wasn't supposed to have extreme side effects with this chemo). My doctor thinks I am missing an enzyme that metabolizes one of the chemo drugs. So without that enzyme the drug is more powerful in my body- almost like getting a mega dose. The result was 4 days in the hospital to treat a large blood clot in my pelvis, a severe colon infection, and a white blood cell count that dropped to 0. Besides that, my hair came out in clumps, the skin on my hands blistered and peeled, nausea, diarrhea, mouth sores, and no appetite. 

So forget all that! Here is the important part. I had such amazing care from the Huntsman Cancer Institute. It truly is the Taj Mahal of hospitals. The staff was amazing: doctors, nurses, pharmacists, dietitians, and even housekeeping. All so kind, gentle, and caring. I actually felt sad to be leaving. But beyond that was the loving care of my Heavenly Father and His Son. There were times I was sure my room was full of angels tending to me and supporting me. There were sweet miracles some might call coincidences, but I call tender mercies. Devon and our children have been beyond loving and caring. It was a scary experience for us all. I think it has been hardest on Devon. He tries so hard to meet my every need and often wishes there was more he could do. I have decided nurturing is definitely not a natural characteristic for men. But he has done such an amazing job! I am truly blessed!!!!

Moving on from here, I'm in recovery mode and feeling better every day. I am extremely fatigued, but finally have an appetite and enjoy eating again - oh the simple pleasures. I've bought some cute scarves to cover my bald head. I don't miss my hair at all! In fact it sure makes things easier. Maybe when I feel better and want to go out I’ll feel differently. Emily is knitting me a darling hat with cute little beads and I'm going to start a more basic hat. I don't feel like doing much but I do enjoy knitting. I see my doctor on Friday and if all is well I probably will proceed with an adjusted chemo dose the following Tuesday. 

So the message I want to leave is that God loves us and is aware of our every need. He never leaves us to struggle on our own. It is us who leave Him. I have felt the multitude of prayers on my behalf. They bring me strength, courage, and comfort. I thank you for every thought and prayer you have uttered in my behalf. The journey continues and all will be well. 

A lot has happened since my last entry. My first round of chemotherapy is over. It consisted of 3 days of chemo. The first day is at the infusion clinic. Then they send me home with a pump that continues to infuse a chemo drug for the next 48 hours. I was pretty naïve going into it – “I’ll just breeze right through this, at least for the first few rounds.” No so! I felt every side effect they told me about and a couple others. Today is day 12 since chemo. I’m finally feeling better – fatigued, but better. In two days I get to start it all over again!

But there were wonderful moments during the last 12 days and that’s really what I want to share. I had such an outpouring of support through emails and messages from dear friends and family around the world that are thinking of me, praying for me, and putting my name on temple prayer rolls. Some friends I haven’t had more than a Christmas card connection with in many years. It’s so wonderful to feel of their love and support and really does lift my spirits.

My sweet cousin, Janet, sent me a box full of presents – “one a day.” I’ve had such fun opening these wonderful treats every day. I really feel spoiled! Mostly, I’m filled with awe at the thought and love that went into this project. And…who doesn’t love getting presents?!

My friends who have had or are going through chemo are a tremendous support. They know what’s happening to me and have such compassion and good ideas about how to handle the hard part. 

My CT scan was negative. That’s pretty much what we expected, but still it is good to know for sure they can’t see any cancer. It doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It means it’s small, which gives me confidence that chemo will take care of it.

We took our new (to us) 5th wheel trailer to Logan last weekend to see Marianne, Tony, and their kids. It was so wonderful to spend time with that sweet little family. We even went to a ballet of Hansel and Gretel. The girls really enjoyed it and the guys were such good sports. Afterwards we treated ourselves to some yummy Aggie ice cream. The weekend wore me out, but I'm so glad we went. 

Emily took me on an errand run. It was great to get out. Bless her for her willingness to drag me around. I’m sure she could have done it much quicker on her own!

Devon is so loving and wonderful, and tries so hard to provide every comfort I need or desire. It’s a hard situation. I’ve been the caregiver, so this is new territory. I’ve realized I need to drop my pride and ask for things when I need them. My tendency is to be frustrated and independent when people don’t anticipate my needs. So I close up and just do it myself. I need to learn to let go – be satisfied and positive – and communicate when I want something done. That’s going to be tricky. I don’t want to be bossy and demanding, but I don’t want to feel alone and not understood. There is work to be done there – on my part!

I had a wonderful outing to see “Cinderella” with Emily and Lori’s three little girls. It was fabulous…and exhausting!

It’s so great having Chelsey and Erron living here. I love getting to know them better. And I love that they check on me daily. I also love that they love playing games, so we have game night occasionally. It's good relief and distraction.

The very best thing about these last 12 days has been attending Women’s Conference last night. It is turning into a wonderful Tufts’ Girls’ tradition to go together to the broadcast and then go to dinner. I absolutely love it, but the best part is that they love doing it too. Lives are busy, but these occasional moments we take time to share together will be forever treasured.

The Conference was also wonderful – just the boost I needed. It was a rough afternoon. I don’t know why I had a melt down – maybe fatigue. I suppose I have reason to melt down, but this was the first time. I felt so alone! No one understood! No one really cared anyway! Poor me!

Then we sang this for the opening hymn at Women’s Conference.

Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,

Upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand.

“How Firm a Foundation” #85

There it was! A personal message from my Heavenly Father and Jesus! I am never alone. I knew this already, but at that moment it became personal and so real. I could feel the warmth and reassurance of their love like I've never felt before. They are always there and will love and support me no matter what challenge I have.

So I move forward from here with renewed courage. I’m going to enjoy this beautiful Sabbath day, and dinner and cards with my sisters and our hubbies tomorrow. Then on Tuesday round two begins. Wonder what things I will learn this time?

Today was a wonderful example of support from a total stranger. I had surgery to place the port-a-cath through which I will receive my chemo. The doctor performing the surgery sat at my bedside for 30 minutes prior to surgery and talked with Devon and I. He is from an Irish Catholic background. He said he was very religious although he doesn’t go to church anymore. Instead he prays and meditates for an hour each morning. He bore testimony to the absolute presence of a “higher power” and the strength there is in prayer. And he said he would add me to his morning prayers. Amazing!

So many blessings keep coming my way!