8 down, 4 to go!

Treatment #8 is in the books! That sounds so good. One moment I say, "Yay, I only have 4 more to go," the next "Oh goodness, I still have 4 more to go."  The days right after are rough and I must admit I'm getting a little tired of being sick and tired every two weeks. Oh well, one thing is for sure. It will be over soon! 

Thank you for all your prayers concerning my platelet count. They worked!!! I'm sure the good diet and essential oils played a part as well. Last time my platelet count dropped by 29 points. This time it only dropped by 10. I would rather it didn't drop at all, but hey, 10 is certainly better than 29. We proceeded with chemo. My oncologist thought it best to slightly decrease both chemo drugs. She feels it's better to stay on schedule with a lower dose than risk missing a treatment with the higher dose. If my lab results are good next time, I assume we will continue with that dose. I can't tell much difference in the side effects. It still knocks me down for a few days.

During my good days we enjoyed a wonderful weekend at Bear Lake with Marianne's family. Through a dear friend's generosity we had a lovely cabin (picture beautiful house) to stay in. It was so relaxing and refreshing. And yes, the fresh raspberry shakes are as good as they say!

A sister at church today spoke about the power of prayer and the blessings of the wildernesses we sometimes have to endure. I have experienced both these past few months. My journey through the wilderness of cancer has taught me so many things - especially about faith and hope and enduring with optimism. These are lessons I'm grateful for. It is a hard journey, for sure, but the peace and joy in my life are stronger than ever, and I know more than ever how much God loves and tends to His children.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. 

No new surprises

Treatment #7 went well and I am finally feeling better again. The only problem is that my platelets took a significant drop – from 120 to 91 (that's happened before). Cut off is 100, but they gave me the chemo anyway. Now the challenge is to try to produce platelets so it doesn’t drop any lower. I could use some specific prayers in that department. If they go lower I’ll have to delay the next treatment, and I don't want that to happen. So, I’m eating more leafy green vegetables, Omega 3’s, and even trying some essential oils. I’m on the fence about the value of essential oils. My education is traditionally based, but hey, they can’t hurt, and who knows…maybe they’ll help. At least they smell good.

We've had a wonderful few weeks. We enjoyed a short camping trip up Ogden Canyon with my sisters and their husbands. It was wicked hot during the day and beautifully cool at night. So during the day we put our camp chairs in the river, under a tree and sat there for hours visiting. It was glorious. We also had our annual Tufts Family Cherry Hill Reunion. It was hot there, too, but we were in the water most of the time and were able to stay cool. I was blessed to be feeling good and really enjoyed both these outings. I even did the waterslide a few times and loved it!

I think I slept more after this last treatment than any of the previous ones. What a sweet blessing to sleep through the worst days and still be tired enough to sleep all night. Maybe some of that was carry over from our busy week at Cherry Hill, but it was wonderful. Blessings come in all sizes and shapes. It's easy to get used to them and not recognize them. And if that happens, then we miss the opportunity to express gratitude. So my goal is to pay attention to the little things that bless my life. There are so many!    

Win! Win! Win!

That's how I feel about the last two weeks. The break from chemo was wonderful. We enjoyed a family reunion in Idaho for 3 days and had a wonderful Father's Day/half done chemo family celebration. Emily made a piñata named cancer and we took turns "beating" it. My body responded to the rest with normal lab values and I felt better than I've felt in a while. I was thrilled that my CEA (carcinoembryonic antigen) dropped from 6.5 to 4.6. The drop supports the theory that the chemo is what is causing it to rise. There's no proof of that, but it sure makes sense to me.

So, last Tuesday, June 23rd I had treatment #6. My oncologist decided to reduce the dose back to 50%. She thinks 60% was too much as evidenced by the low platelet count. She feels it's better to proceed with the lower dose and stay on schedule than to continue the higher dose and have to take breaks in the treatment. I agree. I seem to be recovering from this treatment faster, probably because I was in better condition when it was given.

I feel so blessed to have endured this far. At the onset, and especially after the first treatment, I wondered how I could do it. But through prayers, blessings, love, and support from all my amazing family and friends I am half way. I can see the end and have hope and faith to continue the journey. I would be remiss to not acknowledge the spiritual help that has constantly sustained me, especially through the hard parts. I bear what I can and the rest is carried through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Praise God, and love and thanks to all of you!

Quick update

My 6th chemo treatment was scheduled for last Tuesday, June 9th. But, due to a low platelet count it was cancelled. Platelets are wonderful little cells that are produced in our bone marrow and have the job of clotting our blood. The normal range is 140,000 to 440,000. The goal for chemo is 100,000 or above. Two weeks ago at treatment #5 I was 87,000 and this week I was 66,000. So, time for a rest. One week off was suggested, but that throws some summer family reunion activities off, so I will take two weeks off and proceed with treatment #6 on June 23rd.

Initially I was disappointed. I was looking forward to celebrating the half way mark, but after thinking about it and how I am feeling, I know it is the right thing for me. My body needs a rest. This pushes the end of chemo to the middle of September.

I feel very blessed with continual guidance about the path I'm on. My heart remains full of peace about this process and gratitude for all my blessings. I am especially grateful for all the prayers, love, and support from so many wonderful people in my life. You are my earthly angels!

Expect the unexpected…and DON’T PANIC!!!!

One of the tests done to try to predict/monitor tumor growth is called a carcinoembryonic antigen (CEA). It’s far from a perfect predictor of cancer. There is a whole list of nonmalignant issues that can cause it to increase – many of them related to the GI system. Chemotherapy can also cause an increase. When an increase occurs in a patient with cancer the protocol is to go looking for possible new tumor activity. My CEA tests have always stayed within the normal range (1-3). But since starting chemo my CEA has been 3.4 a month ago and 6.5 last week. It’s worrisome for sure.

So a CT of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis were done yesterday and the results are in. There is no evidence of malignancy in my abdomen and pelvis. The large pelvic blood clot has resolved and the colon inflammation is healing nicely – still present but much better. There is a 3.1 cm x 1 cm “new mass” in my lower right lung. Remember – DON’T PANIC! The first thought from the radiologist that read the film and my oncologist was to suspect a new malignant mass. BUT, when I was so sick after my first treatment I also developed a pulmonary emboli and area of infarction in (you guessed it) my lower right lung. My oncologist called the radiologist and had him take another look at the film. After a closer look at the mass and surrounding blood vessels he feels it could “easily” be inflammation from the infarction. One other observation from me is that cancer usually does not cause pain and I do have pain in that area. Infarctions do cause pain.

So a situation that was to be a game changer is now considered a watch and monitor. I will have the CEA repeated in 1 month, another CT of my chest in 2 months, and my current chemotherapy will continue. This remains a worrisome situation and the possibility of a new tumor is real. However, so is the possibility that it is simply inflammation. In the meantime prayers, hope, and trying to live a healthy and happy life style continue.

Round 5 of chemo went well despite a 10% increase in my 5FU dose. The norm seems to be 5 days of yuck and then I slowly start to feel better. By one week past the onset of chemo I am feeling pretty good. I have to pace myself, but by then I’m getting better every day.

Last Sunday was Stake Conference and the theme was about hope - probably because so many people in our stake are having challenges - poor health, emotional, family problems. The scripture theme was from Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life." It implies we need to have a desire for hope, which to me says we can choose to have hope or despair. Hope is a gift of the spirit and ultimately comes from the Lord. Despair, on the other hand, comes from a dark place and tries to pull us away from all things good and positive. Without question hope is "a tree of life." It produces happiness and optimism. It is an active expectation of good things to come. This theme really touched my heart...not because I have been to that place of despair, but rather because I have been blessing with so much hope. Not once have I felt despair. I don't know what the ultimate outcome of my journey will be. It doesn't really matter because I know for sure that either way all will be well. I am loved and cared for by earthly and heavenly beings. No one could ask for more! Hope...YES!!!

Blog time! Round 4 is…almost history and on the way up. Chemo is getting pretty predictable, which is a good thing – I don’t like surprises! I spiked a temp to 102.2 on day 3 which had me pretty worried. I was started on antibiotics quickly. The fever broke after about 8 hours and never returned. I’m so blessed with a caring medical team. They quickly return my calls, call me the next day to see how I am doing, and express genuine concern for me. I’m a blessed girl.

In the last two weeks I have enjoyed some great family time. Our annual Mother’s Day gathering was great. Our house was a florist shop for a week with a beautiful variety of floral arrangements. We had our monthly sisters’ dinner and evening of Pinochle with my two sisters and their husbands. The only down side to that evening is that the girls’ team fell 3 games behind the boys. We also celebrated our youngest granddaughter’s 1^st birthday. Daryn and Catie (well mostly Catie) gave her a wonderful flamingo themed party that was enjoyed by everyone. The flamingo piñata was a huge hit with the kids. My neighbor taught me how to crochet cute flowers for the knit hats Emily and I have made. They are adorable. I look a little like a 1920’s flapper with them on!

I was checking out the progress of hair growth on my head and was thrilled to find one random hair that had a curl to it! Dare I hope for curly hair? My hair does seem to be growing though it is pretty sparse. It will eventually come in, but then that means I’ll have to fuss with it. I think things are best as they are for now.

So, what have I learned with this round of chemo? I have had many priesthood blessings since this journey began. Except for some reason (forgetfulness, maybe cockiness that “I can do this myself,” or whatever) I didn’t get one before round 3. Round 3 was hard, so I was sure to ask Devon and Erron to give me a blessing prior to round 4. There is no doubt that round 4, though not a walk in the park, has been easier than round 3, and I seem to be rebounding quicker than round 3. So yes, “I can do this myself,” but it is so much easier when the powers of heaven are petitioned. It's a lesson I'll not forget.

Again…thank you to my sweetheart for his tender, constant care. And thank you to all of you for your prayers, love, and support. Without you this journey would be much harder.

Round 3 came and went – thankfully about the same as round 2. Usually the first day of chemo I feel really good because of the Zofran and steroid they give me. This time it seemed that the side effects hit harder and faster the first day, but after that it leveled out to similar round 2 experiences. I think some of the side effects are lingering longer – cold sensitivity in my fingers, pain in my jaw when I take my first bite of anything, and yucky metallic taste in my mouth. I did “up chuck” twice, but in the world of chemo that’s not bad at all.  Each day from now on I should get stronger and feel better, and then we start all over again. It’s good to know what to expect.

I was so worried. Chemo was Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. But Friday, oh Friday! We had 2 wonderful events scheduled for Friday, neither of which I wanted to miss but didn’t know how I would have the strength to attend. A grandson of Devon’s sister was getting married in the Oquirrh Temple at 11:00 am followed by a family luncheon. And, the biggest and most anticipated event was our granddaughter’s graduation from UVU. Ashley-Kate (David’s daughter) is graduating with both her high school diploma and her Associate Degree! This is a big deal, and attending her graduation was beyond important to me. Shame on me for doubting. Somehow (actually I know how) I not only made it to everything, but also enjoyed every minute. 

Devon has been pushing me to ask for a handicap placard, and I have been resisting. I just tell him to drop me at the door and then wait for him to park and come help me get to where I need to be. Well, I guess he was tired of the drill and at my last oncologist appointment HE asked for the placard. So, yep…I now have a temporary handicap parking placard. Not sure who likes it the most!

Marianne and Tony came for the weekend. Daryn and Catie came over for a visit on Sunday. We had a nice visit with Lori and her little ones on Friday, and wonderful visits with extended family here for the wedding. I’ve had phone calls and texts from many other family members and friends. Each one lifts my spirits and reminds me of how blessed I am. It has been a wonderful and exhausting weekend!

A good friend dropped by for a visit on Saturday and asked me an interesting question – “What have you learned from all this?” The answer is - God loves me, sustains me, and always provides exactly what I need when I need it. He is mindful of me every minute of every day. I am so grateful for my friend’s question. I’ve thought about it a lot these last 24 hours and realize how important it is to look for the blessings and tender mercies from God. Sometimes they are subtle and easy to miss. And if we miss them, then we miss the opportunity to express gratitude and bear testimony of God and His goodness. Not a day goes by that we are not blessed by God’s tender mercies. So my question to you and myself, “What have you learned today?”